Q&A

Q:Do you want to have children in the future? Do you have any guilt for not being able to raise Sawyer yourself?
A:Yes, i absolutely want to have children of my own one day! An i definitely have no guilt, when i decided adoption was the way for Sawyer, i accepted my limitations as a parent, an did what i thought would be the best thing for him.

Q:Is it hard to hear Candace call herself mom?
A:Not at all..But the first week after placing Sawyer with his mommy an daddy, was pretty difficult..just watching videos an seeing pictures of them being a little family was a little hard, but it also felt good to see all of them so happy, an Sawyer being so loved.

Q:Do you think you will keep in touch with Sawyer his whole life?
A: Yes, i do...We share a very open adoption..an i look forward to the day that little Soybean comes to me, an asks me questions about his birth family.

Q:How do you feel about Sawyer being a big brother one day?
A: I love the idea of Sawyer being a big brother one day! I'm confident that he'll be a great one ;)

Q:Is the way Candace raises Sawyer the way you would raise him?
A: When me an Jason met Candace an Brett, we were so surprised to find that they were exactly what we wanted in a family for Sawyer, i smile when i hear about all the adventures he's been on an all the silly little things he does. He is taken care of exactly the way i hoped he would be.

Q:Do you wish you could go back an do it all differently?
A: Not at all, the way everything happened, was almost like that was the way it was supposed to be.

Q:When you start your own family will you allow Sawyer to be involved with your
other children?
A: I would love Sawyer to know his future brother/sister (s), how we introduce them to each other, will definitely be something we figure out when the time comes.

Q:How did your friends an family react when you told them you were pregnant?
A: Two words..utterly shocked.

Q:How to you feel about the reality TV show "Teen Mom"?
A: I loooove Teen Mom! I think it shows a great example of teen pregnancy, it really shows the up's an down's of having a baby, an how hard it is being a teen parent.

Q:When you have kids of your own, do you think you'll feel guilty that your kids will get to know you differently, an be raised by you an with you, an Sawyer didn't?
A: That's something I've often thought about, an hope to talk about that with other birth mom's who have children of their own.



If you have any other questions, post comment me on my blog spot, an I'll be happy to answer!

Update. (sorry,it's short)

Woah, a lot has happened these past couple of months. Me and Jason, are no longer together. It was a mutual thing, and has been really good for the both of us. I've had a lot of time to focus on my needs..I've read articles and things from teens who chose adoption for their babies.. and most of them all have a point in time, where they just want to find themselves again. You go through sooo many changes while being pregnant, physically and emotionally, and going through that while your teenage body is still going through changes, is just insane! Then on top of that, your going through an adoption process..after having Sawyer, i felt like a completely different person. I had went through so many emotions that i had never experienced before, i learned a lot of things, and matured. I was a different Lauren, and i didn't really know her that well yet. That's what I've been doing lately..and I've never been happier. I give a lot of credit to my friends, they've really helped me figure a lot out. And stand by my decision 100%, having a whole group of people my age, who understand and who i can go to, has made everything so much easier. I recently saw Sawyer again, and he's doing sooo great. He's the happiest little baby I've seen! Always smiling, and "talking" :). I loved looking over at Brett and Candace, and seeing them just looking at Sawyer with so much love.. that's one of the best feelings, little things like that make me so grateful that we found them :)

Soybean :)

I haven't really touched base, on what it was like when i found out i was pregnant, and what thoughts i had, and what i considered when we made the decision on adoption for Sawyer. Finding out that i was pregnant was...well.. difficult to accept at first. When i read those few tests, my whole body went clammy, my mouth went dry, and my heart went racing. First, my whole teenage life flashed before me..then my whole teenage life, while having a baby, flashed before me. Naturally, me and Jason's first reaction was, how where WE going to raise our baby? Jason was going to join the army, i was going to go to Watson and try to finish school, while having a job, and paying for baby sitter and trying to raise our baby alone, while Jason was away....Obviously, after looking our plan over, and looking at the cost of supporting a child, we new it was almost impossible. I thought, "Who was i, to decide Jason's future?", and "Who was i, to let my child be raised by a babysitter, and struggle along with us"....Accepting the idea of adoption was very difficult for me, but i quickly realized that it was the best thing for our son.

But in present news, we recently saw Sawyer! He was a bit fussy, but i didn't mind one bit :) I loved holding him, feeding him, and even changing his diaper (which was a false alarm). Candace and Brett are doing the absolute greatest job at raising him. He's the healthiest little one I've ever seen. He was so gorgeous! In my heart, i feel that he knew who we where :) I can't wait to see you again little Sawyer :)

Lately

This past week or two has been a little sketchy, i haven't been feeling to good. I've noticed throughout this whole adoption process, I've been introduced to new feelings, good and bad, feelings that i have never experienced before. And here lately I've been getting this feeling of missing Sawyer sooo much, longing for him, and when i attempt to cry, no tears come. That really bothers me, crying makes me feel better. And when i cannot cry, it frustrates me. This has been happening quiet a bit lately. But i do get over it pretty easily, on Tuesday i watched "Teen Mom", and the girl who chose adoption for her baby, was feeling pretty down, and went on a retreat for a couple days with other birth mothers, they did lots of different exercise to help with coping, one that i liked in particular, was a exercise where they wrote something that they have been holding on to on a piece of paper, and burned it, a kind of way of getting red of regretful or hateful feelings, on her piece of paper she wrote "What if i could of done it". I think this feeling of longing is the cause of something that I'm holding on too just like those other birth moms, i wish i could figure out what it was, something that made since, but i just cant put my finger on it. Buuuuut, in other happier news, me and Jason will be seeing Sawyer soon! :) I'm so nervous and excited! I'm so scatter brained about it, will he feel a connection with us? Or what if we hold him and he cry's to be back in his mommy's arms. Well either way, I'm so happy to see his sweet little face again... I'm so excited to see Candace and Brett in action, showing off their great parenting skills :)

For my next post, I'm going to see if i can get Jason to write a little something about his experience through the adoption, so be looking out for it :)