Monday, February 8, 2010

Soybean :)

I haven't really touched base, on what it was like when i found out i was pregnant, and what thoughts i had, and what i considered when we made the decision on adoption for Sawyer. Finding out that i was pregnant was...well.. difficult to accept at first. When i read those few tests, my whole body went clammy, my mouth went dry, and my heart went racing. First, my whole teenage life flashed before me..then my whole teenage life, while having a baby, flashed before me. Naturally, me and Jason's first reaction was, how where WE going to raise our baby? Jason was going to join the army, i was going to go to Watson and try to finish school, while having a job, and paying for baby sitter and trying to raise our baby alone, while Jason was away....Obviously, after looking our plan over, and looking at the cost of supporting a child, we new it was almost impossible. I thought, "Who was i, to decide Jason's future?", and "Who was i, to let my child be raised by a babysitter, and struggle along with us"....Accepting the idea of adoption was very difficult for me, but i quickly realized that it was the best thing for our son.

But in present news, we recently saw Sawyer! He was a bit fussy, but i didn't mind one bit :) I loved holding him, feeding him, and even changing his diaper (which was a false alarm). Candace and Brett are doing the absolute greatest job at raising him. He's the healthiest little one I've ever seen. He was so gorgeous! In my heart, i feel that he knew who we where :) I can't wait to see you again little Sawyer :)