Thursday, January 7, 2010


This past week or two has been a little sketchy, i haven't been feeling to good. I've noticed throughout this whole adoption process, I've been introduced to new feelings, good and bad, feelings that i have never experienced before. And here lately I've been getting this feeling of missing Sawyer sooo much, longing for him, and when i attempt to cry, no tears come. That really bothers me, crying makes me feel better. And when i cannot cry, it frustrates me. This has been happening quiet a bit lately. But i do get over it pretty easily, on Tuesday i watched "Teen Mom", and the girl who chose adoption for her baby, was feeling pretty down, and went on a retreat for a couple days with other birth mothers, they did lots of different exercise to help with coping, one that i liked in particular, was a exercise where they wrote something that they have been holding on to on a piece of paper, and burned it, a kind of way of getting red of regretful or hateful feelings, on her piece of paper she wrote "What if i could of done it". I think this feeling of longing is the cause of something that I'm holding on too just like those other birth moms, i wish i could figure out what it was, something that made since, but i just cant put my finger on it. Buuuuut, in other happier news, me and Jason will be seeing Sawyer soon! :) I'm so nervous and excited! I'm so scatter brained about it, will he feel a connection with us? Or what if we hold him and he cry's to be back in his mommy's arms. Well either way, I'm so happy to see his sweet little face again... I'm so excited to see Candace and Brett in action, showing off their great parenting skills :)

For my next post, I'm going to see if i can get Jason to write a little something about his experience through the adoption, so be looking out for it :)