Q&A

Q:Do you want to have children in the future? Do you have any guilt for not being able to raise Sawyer yourself?
A:Yes, i absolutely want to have children of my own one day! An i definitely have no guilt, when i decided adoption was the way for Sawyer, i accepted my limitations as a parent, an did what i thought would be the best thing for him.

Q:Is it hard to hear Candace call herself mom?
A:Not at all..But the first week after placing Sawyer with his mommy an daddy, was pretty difficult..just watching videos an seeing pictures of them being a little family was a little hard, but it also felt good to see all of them so happy, an Sawyer being so loved.

Q:Do you think you will keep in touch with Sawyer his whole life?
A: Yes, i do...We share a very open adoption..an i look forward to the day that little Soybean comes to me, an asks me questions about his birth family.

Q:How do you feel about Sawyer being a big brother one day?
A: I love the idea of Sawyer being a big brother one day! I'm confident that he'll be a great one ;)

Q:Is the way Candace raises Sawyer the way you would raise him?
A: When me an Jason met Candace an Brett, we were so surprised to find that they were exactly what we wanted in a family for Sawyer, i smile when i hear about all the adventures he's been on an all the silly little things he does. He is taken care of exactly the way i hoped he would be.

Q:Do you wish you could go back an do it all differently?
A: Not at all, the way everything happened, was almost like that was the way it was supposed to be.

Q:When you start your own family will you allow Sawyer to be involved with your
other children?
A: I would love Sawyer to know his future brother/sister (s), how we introduce them to each other, will definitely be something we figure out when the time comes.

Q:How did your friends an family react when you told them you were pregnant?
A: Two words..utterly shocked.

Q:How to you feel about the reality TV show "Teen Mom"?
A: I loooove Teen Mom! I think it shows a great example of teen pregnancy, it really shows the up's an down's of having a baby, an how hard it is being a teen parent.

Q:When you have kids of your own, do you think you'll feel guilty that your kids will get to know you differently, an be raised by you an with you, an Sawyer didn't?
A: That's something I've often thought about, an hope to talk about that with other birth mom's who have children of their own.



If you have any other questions, post comment me on my blog spot, an I'll be happy to answer!

Update. (sorry,it's short)

Woah, a lot has happened these past couple of months. Me and Jason, are no longer together. It was a mutual thing, and has been really good for the both of us. I've had a lot of time to focus on my needs..I've read articles and things from teens who chose adoption for their babies.. and most of them all have a point in time, where they just want to find themselves again. You go through sooo many changes while being pregnant, physically and emotionally, and going through that while your teenage body is still going through changes, is just insane! Then on top of that, your going through an adoption process..after having Sawyer, i felt like a completely different person. I had went through so many emotions that i had never experienced before, i learned a lot of things, and matured. I was a different Lauren, and i didn't really know her that well yet. That's what I've been doing lately..and I've never been happier. I give a lot of credit to my friends, they've really helped me figure a lot out. And stand by my decision 100%, having a whole group of people my age, who understand and who i can go to, has made everything so much easier. I recently saw Sawyer again, and he's doing sooo great. He's the happiest little baby I've seen! Always smiling, and "talking" :). I loved looking over at Brett and Candace, and seeing them just looking at Sawyer with so much love.. that's one of the best feelings, little things like that make me so grateful that we found them :)

Soybean :)

I haven't really touched base, on what it was like when i found out i was pregnant, and what thoughts i had, and what i considered when we made the decision on adoption for Sawyer. Finding out that i was pregnant was...well.. difficult to accept at first. When i read those few tests, my whole body went clammy, my mouth went dry, and my heart went racing. First, my whole teenage life flashed before me..then my whole teenage life, while having a baby, flashed before me. Naturally, me and Jason's first reaction was, how where WE going to raise our baby? Jason was going to join the army, i was going to go to Watson and try to finish school, while having a job, and paying for baby sitter and trying to raise our baby alone, while Jason was away....Obviously, after looking our plan over, and looking at the cost of supporting a child, we new it was almost impossible. I thought, "Who was i, to decide Jason's future?", and "Who was i, to let my child be raised by a babysitter, and struggle along with us"....Accepting the idea of adoption was very difficult for me, but i quickly realized that it was the best thing for our son.

But in present news, we recently saw Sawyer! He was a bit fussy, but i didn't mind one bit :) I loved holding him, feeding him, and even changing his diaper (which was a false alarm). Candace and Brett are doing the absolute greatest job at raising him. He's the healthiest little one I've ever seen. He was so gorgeous! In my heart, i feel that he knew who we where :) I can't wait to see you again little Sawyer :)

Lately

This past week or two has been a little sketchy, i haven't been feeling to good. I've noticed throughout this whole adoption process, I've been introduced to new feelings, good and bad, feelings that i have never experienced before. And here lately I've been getting this feeling of missing Sawyer sooo much, longing for him, and when i attempt to cry, no tears come. That really bothers me, crying makes me feel better. And when i cannot cry, it frustrates me. This has been happening quiet a bit lately. But i do get over it pretty easily, on Tuesday i watched "Teen Mom", and the girl who chose adoption for her baby, was feeling pretty down, and went on a retreat for a couple days with other birth mothers, they did lots of different exercise to help with coping, one that i liked in particular, was a exercise where they wrote something that they have been holding on to on a piece of paper, and burned it, a kind of way of getting red of regretful or hateful feelings, on her piece of paper she wrote "What if i could of done it". I think this feeling of longing is the cause of something that I'm holding on too just like those other birth moms, i wish i could figure out what it was, something that made since, but i just cant put my finger on it. Buuuuut, in other happier news, me and Jason will be seeing Sawyer soon! :) I'm so nervous and excited! I'm so scatter brained about it, will he feel a connection with us? Or what if we hold him and he cry's to be back in his mommy's arms. Well either way, I'm so happy to see his sweet little face again... I'm so excited to see Candace and Brett in action, showing off their great parenting skills :)

For my next post, I'm going to see if i can get Jason to write a little something about his experience through the adoption, so be looking out for it :)

A little of the past.

It's been a month since Sawyer was born, and i can say that, the time i was pregnant with him, was a lot harder then it was after we gave him to his mommy and daddy. While i was pregnant i really tried to give myself some "self therapy" in a way, and it really helped in the long run when coping with the emotions after the adoption. I watched a lot of shows where the mothers gave their babies up for adoption like "adoption stories" and "16 and pregnant", i also found the mothers on the "16 and pregnant" show helped too, it showed me how stressful and hard it was being a teen mom, and all the arguements and fighting around their babies just didnt seem right to me. At the begginging, when we first decided adoption was the route we where going to take,was very hard for me, i wasnt sure if it was okay to bond with Sawyer, if it was okay, to pay attention to his little kicks. I was scared that it would just make things harder. Sometimes, i would just be sitting on my bed, or in the bath staring at him kicking away or hiccuping, and i would burst into tears.I was scared that i wouldnt be able to do this for him. But things finally got alot easier, i decided it was okay to bond with him, i started talking to him, reading to him, i finally felt okay calling him our son, or our baby, not just Candace and Brett's. I haven't really wrote about what school was like for me while i was pregnant. I mean not only was i a pregnant teen, but i was a pregnant teen giving their child up for adoption. I did stir up quite a few debates with people at the beginning, kids would ask things like "Why are you doing that?", "Why can't you just keep them?", "It's not that hard to get a job and take care of them", or my personal favorite "Your baby is going to resent you, if you give them up". It was sort of funny in a way, because the people telling me these things where KIDS, just like me, but who have never been in the situation that i'm in, kids who dont have children of their own, or even jobs for that matter, kids who are to immature, to see that a baby is a living, breathing, PERSON who has many needs, that they cant provide for themselves, i honeslty dont think these people telling me these things, even know the difference between a pet, and a child. Yes, it would have been easier to ignore them, but i just felt i needed to explain, and try to make them see why i was doing this for Sawyer, in the end i felt i did open alot of people's eyes. I made alot of other teens my age see what adoption was really like, and that made school alot easier for me now that people understood. Ofcourse, i couldnt make everyone understand, and sadly it was mostly adults, even adults apart of my own family. I found it almost pathetic that i couldnt make an adult with so much more expeirence with life understand what i was doing and why i was doing this for Sawyer, pathetic because a teenager my age could understand that i was choosing adoption out of love for my child, that my child could have a better life because of this descion, and that was all that mattered, i couldnt understand, why an adult, out of those two age groups, couldnt agree with that! I found it dissapointing that parts of my own family, couldn't support my decision, because of their own opinions. But now i realize that i have all the support i need, from my friends, mom and dad, boyfriend, Candace and Brett, Teachers and all of the amazing people who have contacted us letting us know how proud they are of Me and Jason, and how happy they are for Candace and Brett.

The other day i was looking through my things, and found some stuff that i wrote in my school journals, i even doodled a little ;) i wrote about what i imagined Sawyer looking like...Let's see how accurate i was :)

"Sweet little Soybean, I imagine you with a head full of beautiful dark, curly locks, and big, brown, gorgeous doe eyes. I can already imagine that adorable smile your going to have, with matching dimples and that first tiny tooth. I can hear that amazing little laugh your going to have that will bring a smile to everyone's face. I can imagine you having the time of your life with your mommy, when you guys become a mess while she teaches you how to finger paint for the first time, or with your daddy when he introduces you to your first puppy :) I can see you being the smartest little boy, who just loves to learn about new things. We all cant wait to meet you little Sawyer Jonus"

Our little angel

He's finally here!

Sawyer Jonus Frandsen, was born November, 9, 2009, weighing 7 pounds, an measuring 20 1/4 inches long.He was exactly what i imagined, absolutely perfect. Me an Jason had a few days with Sawyer in the hospital...those where honestly the best days of our lives, I've have never felt a love so strong for someone! He put plenty of smiles on people's faces. It brought me an Jason great comfort, seeing the love in Brett an Candace's eyes when they held him. Saying good-bye to Sawyer was difficult, but i continued to remind myself all the great things that where in store for him. Me an Jason are very content with our decision for Sawyer. Me an Jason knew if we where to keep him that Sawyer would be constantly babysat, because of us always working, all three of us would struggle...We never wanted Sawyer to ever want, or feel like a burden..we know with Brett an Candace that he will never have to deal with any of those things. Sawyer, although is only a few days old, has taught so many people so much, he's brought people closer together, an has definitely made plenty of people very very happy. He is for sure an amazing little boy, i cannot put the love i have for him into words.

While i was in the hospital, Candace gave me a little journal to write in, I've chosen to make a journal for Sawyer, I'm going to fill it up with my thoughts, an someday give it to him when he's older...here's what a wrote my first night with him in the hospital:

Dear Soybean,

I have never had such an extreme feeling of being proud, until you came out into the world and i saw how perfect you where, i couldn't believe how much i loved you, i've never felt this way about anyone or anything, you are my pride an joy. I want to protect you with everything i have an make you feel better with every whimper you make. You are exactly what i imagined! I will never regret the decision we made for you. But i cannot help but miss you, we haven't said good-bye to you yet, but i know this will be terribly hard for me, because even when you have to go to the nursery for check-up's, i miss you every second your gone. I love you Sawyer, more then you could ever wrap your cute little mind around---

Sawyer my love, there will never be a day that i don't think about you...

Anyday now

If he's not here this week, I'll be induced on Monday the 8th. I get butterflies just thinking about it :) I'm honestly a nervous wreck, with so many questions! Like what is he going to look like? Will everything go smoothly?How terribly painful is giving birth going to be? lol
I'm also quiet full of mixed emotions, I'm torn between being happy and of course a little upset. I'm so happy for Candace, Brett and my little soybean (that's Sawyer's nickname:) ). I never thought that i could bring so much joy to 2 people. Sawyer will be the happiest little baby, which brings me the most happiness. I'm looking forward to seeing all of their reactions, when they finally meet for the first time. But, i sure am going to miss looking down an seeing him there, feeling those little kicks, an punches, rubbing my tummy an talking to him. This little guy has taught me so much, an he's not even born yet! He's taught me not to care what people think, he's made me mature quite a bit, made me care about my education an success. I'm so thankful he was brought to all of us, he's the most loved baby in the world :) Oh Sawyer, when will you bless us all with your presence? :)